And now for something completely pointless...

I used to love watching the Muchmusic countdown every week when I was younger. Back in '96 I'd wait with baited breath for Friday evening so I can see if my favourites were closer to number one (Smashing Pumpkins- Tonight, Tonight). I stopped caring sometime around the explosion of teen pop and never really got back into it. It's pretty useless anyway, like where do their statistics even come from? What are they measuring? Why should I care?

So anyway the point: I watched the Muchmusic Countdown last night because there was nothing else on tv and have decided to review the Top 1o.

#10. Evanescence- Call Me When You're Sober.
Damn I thought I was never going to have hear this vampire woman's voice ever again. This song sucks, it's lame, it sounds like it should have been released like 5 years ago and I can't stand her voice. Amy whatever-her-name-is has learned an age old lesson, don't fall for alcoholics. I also learned this lesson but I didn't write a stupid ass song about it. NEXT.

#9. Nelly Furtado- Maneater.
This is song is fun I must admit. However the video is lame. I couldn't even watch it, it was trying way to hard to be an 80s video. Sorry it is impossible to recreate the majesty of the cheesy 80s video. So don't bother.

#8. JoJo - Too Little, Too Late.
Oh Jesus. First of all this dude is way too old for little JoJo. He apologizes for some unknown indiscretion by giving her a ticket to his soccer game. Oh wow, good job there dude. She may only be 15 and easy to manipulate but a soccer ticket??? It all goes downhill from there, the dude plays soccer, JoJo is sad, she has a rain scene and throws some shit around. Note to creepy record execs: 15 is too young for a rain scene, you could get arrested for that shit.

#7. Hedley- Gunnin'
Blah. PeeWee Herman Junior's girlfriend has anorexia. I don't care.

#6. Alexisonfire- This Could Be Anywhere in the World.
I like this song. I like this video. Some good Canadian content for once.

#5. Hinder- Lips of an Angel.
What the hell is this shit? What an ugly man. Get off the damn phone! You're girlfriend can totally hear you.
How much do you wanna bet these guys are friends with Nickelback. Gross.

#4. City and Colour- Comin' Home.
This one is okay, pretty inoffensive. A little boring but the song is decent enough.

#3. The Killers- When You Were Young.
Another ok song, wow that's insane. The video makes absolutely no sense. Why are the Killers in a bar in Mexico? Why do they look like 70s porn stars? Who is the girl? I'm lost.

#2. George- Talk To Me.
Are you kidding me? Who is this douche? He's such a little worm. Plus his song REALLY sucks. If some guy ever sang shit like this to me I'd ask him where he left his balls. Also, nice stage name asshole.

#1. Billy Talent- Red Flag.
Not bad. An ok song for sure. I find I kinda zone out when it comes to the video but hey that means nothing as I zone out all the time.

So there you have it the top ten of... something.

So we met at the internet...

I don't get why people get into simulated relationships with people they meet online. I don't understand how it happens, why you would look for it and why it would seem like a good idea.
I guess I understand why people did it in like 1996, because then the internet was novel and it seemed like a potential cool way to connect with people around the world (I guess). But then the general populace woke up and realized how creepy that was. Or at least anyone with half a brain did.

I honestly can't imagine being SO desperate that I would try to hook up with someone over the internet. I mean it's not like I get a lot of guys, in fact for all my efforts I barely get looked at twice and it sucks BUT come on, the internet? Jesus.

Internet relationships are fucking stupid for the following reasons:
1. What if when you meet the person they have really bad B.O. or emit some other weird smell. Are you going to be able to live with that after you declared your undying love to them before meeting them?
2. What if they have a really annoying laugh or some other weird tic that drives you nuts. Will you be able to ignore it?
3. How do you know there is real chemistry between the two of you if you have never met. I need more than just a picture and words on a screen to know I am attracted to someone. But maybe I am crazy.
4. Here's a big one, sex. Ok first of all, the main reason to get into a relationship is regular, guaranteed sex. Well at least in my mind. So with an internet relationship you are essentially getting all the shitty parts of a relationship: jealousy, fights etc but NO SEX. I'm sorry if I want to be sexually frustrated I will remain single and at least have the option of something possibly happening. Also what if you wait all this damn time and fall "in love" with the person and they are a terrible lay? What the hell are you gonna do then? No thanks.
5. Most likely the person you will meet lives in their mother's basement in like, Des Moines or something. Is that really the person you want to be in an oppressive, sexually frustrating "relationship" with?

But apparently some people have no other options. If anything, internet relationships can be given credit for populating our world with more ugly people. Think about it, half of these people wouldn't have procreated before the internet. Great.





Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Some people meet their soul mate on the internet and go on to have a real-life relationship. I know one couple like this, but they are a very major exception.