Odes to Unrequited Love

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you reunite it's always so much sweeter.

No I am not talking about a dude. I am talking about a song.

I just heard "1979" by the Smashing Pumpkins which was buried deep in my itunes library and a song I hadn't really listened to in ages. While it was never my favourite Smashing Pumpkins song ("Tonight, Tonight", "Thirty-three", "Mayonaise" win that title) it was one of the songs on a mixed tape I made in grade 5 that I listened to endlessly.

Other notable track on the tape included: more Smashing Pumpkins, "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" by Garbage, "Seether" by Veruca Salt (Oh man! Veruca Salt!) and unexplicably "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi (I have no idea). Anyway this was a tape I played only about a million times a day until it completely wore out. These songs are forever burned in my memory.

So anyway back to "1979". When I just heard it today, it was almost a deep emotional reaction. I can't even explain it, it was weird. It's funny how songs can take you right back and make you feel something you hadn't felt in a long time. It's like I was getting into music all over again and discovering things on my own for the first time rather then being influenced by what my parents listened to. I was 11 again.

It was like the feeling I get when I listen to Elliott Smith. As much as I love his music, it's pretty hard for me to sit down and listen to certain songs. My heart breaks. It takes me back to about a year ago when my heart was broken, and my life was hell for multiple other reasons, some bad shit happened. I listened to Elliott Smith a lot then. At the time I really only truly felt when I was alone at night. I hid my feelings all day and fell apart at night. As cheesy as it sounds, listening to Elliott Smith on my ipod alone in my room got me through it. So for that reason I can't listen to Elliott Smith on headphones without wanting to bawl my eyes out. I am over all that stuff now, barely even think of it anymore. But when I listen to "Twilight" or "Between the Bars" etc, it's November 05 again and my life's falling apart.
It sucks because I really like those songs but I'd rather not relive terrible memories.

So yeah, that was a tangent. Now I don't remember my orginal point. Damn.